Without You
by Salix Ardens
Summary: Willow reflects depressingly on Tara's death.


Without You, by Salix Ardens  
  
Disclaimer: Figure it out.  
  
Rating: G, PG, something, I don't know!  
  
Notes: First fic! Whee! It's a sad song fic, kind of a Willow journal entry after Tara is killed. The song is "Without You", from Rent. There are some other song lyrics and show quotes in here too. Enjoy!  
  
*****  
  
Without you  
  
The ground thaws  
  
The rain falls  
  
The grass grows  
  
It's always summer here in California. The ground never needs to thaw, I guess, but the rain does fall. So do the tears. My tears. Every time I think of you, I just break down and sob. My heart breaks all over again every day I walk by that window.  
  
Blood on the carpet. Blood on my shirt. Blood on my hands, memories of screams and crying, BuffypainXandershockDawnsilence...Tara...love...I miss you so much it hurts and it keeps hurting more every minute and come back, oh god come back please. I die without you. Every second. I love you so much. You're my everything and now everything is gone.  
  
Without you  
  
The seeds root  
  
The flowers bloom  
  
The children play  
  
Stupid eternal summer. It never clouds over in stupid California. I want it to be gray and dark and sad and I want the sky to tear and fall down on me and cover me forever and I want the sky to cry like me. It's happy rain, it helps the plants grow and kids play and splash in mud puddles and I hate it. I hate that it's so hard and I hate that I can only see you in dreams, only kiss you in dreams and every night I wake up crying and calling out for you Tara where are you I need you Tara please I love you...I said I'd always find you but you're lost and I'm lost, so lost without you.  
  
The stars gleam  
  
The poets dream  
  
The eagles fly  
  
Without you  
  
Dreams...dreams of stars and chocolate and your hair and the way you always smelled like apples and your skin, so soft that I wanted to fall into your skin like all the times that I fell into your eyes. Your eyes, so blue and they'd reflect me back in them and I could see so much love and I never needed anything but you.  
  
The earth turns  
  
The sun burns  
  
But I die  
  
Without you  
  
I burn now. It hurts so much that I think sometimes that the pain will swallow me and burn me up and I'll die without you to save me. No one can save me now. The agony drags me down, I'm pulled down by the undertow and there'll be nothing left of me. You make me complete but I'm ripped apart and I'll never be whole without you.  
  
Without you  
  
The breeze warms  
  
The girl smiles  
  
The cloud moves  
  
Clouds wheel overhead and I get sick because they remind me of you, so soft and tender and caring and warms and your smile, god your smile was so beautiful and it was the last thing I remember before Your shirt, Tara, oh god Tara and darkness. You were my light- but my light was snuffed out in an instant no time to say goodbye but you do know, right? I love you. I'll never stop loving you.  
  
Without you  
  
The tides change  
  
The boys run  
  
The oceans crash  
  
The crowds roar  
  
The days soar  
  
The babies cry  
  
Without you  
  
Days pass by and I don't notice, don't care, all I care about is you but I can't have you, can't keep you safe, can't touch you or talk to you or tell you how much I love miss want need you and I can't take it, I run away to the ocean and scream and cry at the water and the sky and the ground for not mourning you. I don't come back for days, I lie on the beach as the tide comes in and think how easy it would be but no you say, no Willow come back and so I do. I do.  
  
The moon glows  
  
The river flows  
  
But I die  
  
Without you  
  
The world revives  
  
Colors renew  
  
But I know blue  
  
Only blue  
  
Lonely blue  
  
Within me, blue  
  
Without you  
  
Blue. The night sky, the water, that shirt I wanted to wear but couldn't find and you kissed me and I love you and I hated the purple. Your eyes. So blue I never thought there could be anything to match them and there isn't and there never will be and you left me again but I still love you. I couldn't love you more if I tried. My heart almost burst with love for you. My soul sang. I will love you until the end of time, Tara, my Tara. I am you know, yours.  
  
Without you  
  
The hand gropes  
  
The ear hears  
  
The pulse beats  
  
Without you  
  
The eyes gaze  
  
The legs walk  
  
The lungs breathe  
  
Somehow I still breathe and walk and see and hear and my heart still beats, somehow, I can't see how it could without you. I try to hang on, try to hold on to something but you were all I had and now I'm lost, floating in limbo, not good floating like on your birthday, we danced and I loved you so much then, I love you so much now, forever.  
  
The mind churns  
  
The heart yearns  
  
The tears dry  
  
Without you  
  
Life goes on  
  
But I'm gone  
  
Cause I die  
  
They don't dry. The tears from my eyes dry, but my soul cries for you. My heart cries for you. Life goes on, existence goes on, but I'm not in it, I'm outside of it all looking in and you're on the other side but I can't get to you, you're so far away Tara please find me I miss you oh god Tara I love you  
  
Without you   
  
I love you  
  
Without you   
  
I love you  
  
Without you   
  
I love you  
  
Without you 


End file.
